Author: Site Staff

Below are the top 10 vendors for the 295 respondents of this Watson Wyatt survey. However, these numbers are based on applications that all work on different platforms. For instance, respondents used an HR and payroll combination from PeopleSoft, while ADP was more often cited as a payroll-only system. Vendors such as Oracle, SAP, and Ceridian offer enterprise resource planning systems, which have even more features.

SOURCE: “The Net Effect:e-HR and the Internet,” Watson Wyatt Worldwide, 2000.

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These are the company’s goals when implementing various technologies. For example, you see that only 3% of companies promote a common culture through outsourcing; 45% promote their culture through the intranet.

SOURCE: “The Net Effect:e-HR and the Internet,” Watson Wyatt Worldwide, 2000.

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Cover Story

A Day in the Life of HR 2000
By Paul Temple
Our annual “Day in the Life of HR”.

HR BehindBars
By Shari Caudron
Life in prison is awful, unless you’re an employee for the Colorado Departmentof Corrections. 

Ivy League HR
By Caroline Louise Cole
HR at Harvard University with the “smartest professors in the world.”

KodakSnapshots
By Caroline Louise Cole
Global competition in digital media is a challenge for HR at the film giant.

HR inLotusland
By Brenda Paik Sunoo
Vancouver is one of the most beautiful cities of the world. Take a look at theHR that staffs it.

Eye on HR atCBS
By Jennifer Laabs
Behind the glamour of this Hollywood television studio is a strong, strategicHR department.

HR by theNumbers
By Nancy Wong Bryan
Here s what 901 Workforce readers had to say in our annual “Day in the Life ofHR” survey.

Features

All Skill, NoFinesse
F. Wagner
Personality fit is every bit as important as your new hire s technical ability.By William

Share theWealth–and the Headache
By Chris Mahoney
Sure, we love stock options. But do we know why?

Flirting: RedFlag or Lost Art?
By Brenda Paik Sunoo
Flirtation at work has long been taboo. But see how it can help your business.

Give PeopleBelief in the Future
By Barbara Moses
In the day and age of the cynic, HR can help employees find hope.

Coping withMental Disabilities in the Workplace
By Stephen P. Sonnenberg
The ADA protects many employees with mental impairment.

HR 101

HR Software sStrategic Advantage
In this month s HR101,  Workforce takes a look at HR ssoftware implementation. Our survey shows your company is doing better thanyour department in staying current with software advances. We also look at XMLand how it may make your life easier in the months ahead

Departments

On theContrary
Meditations on Motivation

InfoWise
Going the Distance

The Buzz
Social Security RelaxesEarnings Rules for Seniors;
Public Employers Can Push Comp Time Usage

Forte
DuPont PharmaceuticalsWrites
New-Hire Prescription

Legal Insight
How Do You Treat theAt-Will
Employment Relationship?

Your HRCareer
Secrets of a CorporateHeadhunter

WorkingWounded
Will Flattery Get YouSomewhere at Work?

In Every Issue

Between theLines

Mailbox

DearWorkforce:

While most of you claim that you haven’t knowingly violated company policy (76 percent), the other 24 percent are out there committing minor offenses, particularly using company time and equipment for personal e-mails, faxes, or photocopying. Here are some of the more creative ways HR is breaking the rules.

 

• “I ignored our policy against running in the halls.”

 

• “Our company policy was not to pay expenses for the ‘look-see’ visit for personnel considering an overseas assignment other than for the employee and spouse. I used to pay for the kids to accompany the parents. It made sense to me. Eventually I was able to get the policy changed.”

 

• “I continued COBRA coverage without cost to an employee who was a single mother so she could have health insurance when she delivered the baby.”

 

• “I took my staff to a summer blockbuster movie when we were supposedly having an early staff meeting.”

 

• “I’ve filled positions before going through all the appropriate channels.”

 

• “We kept an employee on payroll though she lacked the required length of service for short-term disability benefits. She had been in a car accident that left her comatose. If we had not found a way to justify continuing a portion of her pay, the economic effects would’ve been devastating to the employee and her family.”

 

• “I’ve allowed the hiring of convicted felons.”

 

• “Interns are only supposed to work up to 30 hours per week. They’ve been known to work more than 40.”

 

• “Smoked in the bathroom because I really needed one at that point.”

For those of you who told us there was no such thing as a dumb question, consider the following evidence to the contrary:

Manager: “Why should I have to do performance evaluations for my direct reports when I see them every day?”

Terminated employee: “I know I totaled the company vehicle by rear-ending a car on the freeway going 70 miles an hour. And I know I tested positive for drugs after the incident and you terminated me, but what are the chances you ll rehire me into another position?”

Recruit: “So can you like fire anyone anytime because of that at-will thing?”

New employee: “Do I have to go to a bank to cash this paycheck?”

Supervisor: “Why can t I hire this candidate? His felonies are not job-related.”

Employee: “If I hit a customer, will I be fired?”

CEO: “Can I fire her for being dumb?”

Recruit: “How come you never get tired of listening to so much bullshit?”

HR staff: “Can I order engraved plaques before I know who won the award?”

Applicant: “Do I get paid by check or cash? I prefer cash so the unemployment people don t find out that I m working!”

Applicant: “Who do I have to sleep with to get a job here?”

Government job applicant: “But don t you find that state employees are dumber than regular people?”

Applicant: “Can t you just give me the job, even though I m not qualified?”

New employee: After seeing “Press Any Key” on the computer screen, asks, “Where is the ‘any key?”

Applicant: Having failed the drug test, asks, “Can I take it again in a few days if I promise not to use any drugs after the next test?”

Employee: When asked about her work visa, asks, “Will my Mastercard do?”

Employee: “Does mandatory training mean everyone has to go?”

Employee: “When you tell me that my medical has been cancelled, what do you mean by that?”

Employee: “So why does my criminal conviction mean I can t continue working here?”

Unbelievable! A file cabinet full of strange-but-true-scenarios, submitted in by Workforce members as part of the Day in the Life of HR – 2000 study.

Tab 1: Not Ready for Springer Players

Tab 2: Lunar Sightings

Tab 3: Up the Second Amendment

Tab 4: They Were Expendable

Tab 5: Who Was That Masked Man?

Tab 6: Damn, Which One is the Unsend Key?

Tab 7: Scottie, Beam Me Up. Right Now!

Tab 8: Keeping a Straight Face

 

Tab 1: Not Ready for Springer Players

• One of the vice presidents (female) was caught making whoopee on a top-floor conference room table with a subordinate (male) after-hours.
• Our former CEO squired his secretary, paid her quarterly bonuses, and gave her an office with $50K worth of new furniture. He lasted about six months after that, and his replacement picked up where he left off.
• Our (married) president is having an affair with one of the VPs. They think no one knows. Everyone knows.
• Two contract employees were found in a compromising position on the copy machine.
• The CEO has slept with a large number of female employees. When these affairs end, usually about 4-5 months later, he sets them up to fail and they leave. He hasn’t been caught or sued. Yet.
• A former CEO and VP once “dirty danced” on top of a bar after the holiday party. Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how you look at it), I missed it.
• A VP was having an affair with a married employee and the lady’s husband caught them in flagrante deicto, beat up the VP, and threatened his family (yes, he was married, too). The company had to hire security guards to monitor his home.
• Supervisor A placed her daughter, Lisa, with Supervisor B. Supervisor B slept with Lisa’s husband, and both Lisa and Supervisor B became pregnant by him.
• A senior HR manager was released for doing the nasty with a temp in her office cubicle.
• A temporary employee told us that she was not able to climb the stairs in the warehouse because recent body piercing in a very private place caused her to have orgasms.
• I had a report from an employee that two of our hourly staff were “going at it” in a car in the back parking lot for anyone to see. This turned out to be true.
• An unknown employee tapped into the voicemail system and forwarded to all extensions the recording of an intimate conversation between the boss and a female employee, who were having a hot affair.
• Two women on a training trip were sharing a hotel room. One woman got on the Internet while the other slept and invited some guy that she didn’t know over for a little fun, much to the surprise of her co-worker, who realized what was going on when she woke up to use the bathroom.

 

Tab 2: Lunar Sightings

• Two senior executives were caught mooning the bar at a company-sponsored dinner.
• I terminated a female employee who had her four- year-old son with her. On her way out, she stopped in front of the building and yelled until a lot of people were looking out the windows to see what was going on. She then mooned them all.
• One of our employees “mooned” other motorists from a company vehicle.
• An employee came into my office and said, “Let me show you this,” and began to pull down his pants to show me a boil on his bottom.

 

Tab 3: Up the Second Amendment

• The CEO of our company placed a loaded .45 cal handgun on the conference table during a staff meeting and stated that he did not want any dissent during the meeting.
• We hired a security officer, and later had to terminate him for sexually harassing our female employees, threatening me, and bringing a gun onto company premises. Once terminated, he tried to blackmail the company, and we finally had to get a restraining order against him!
• A female employee showed up at work with a gun to defend herself against her boyfriend, who was in turn being “hunted” by Colombian drug dealers and gun-runners.
• A former employee stalked me and was arrested outside my home with a sawed-off shotgun.

 

Tab 4: They Were Expendable

• Company secretaries were asked to stay behind to search the building when a bomb scare was called in.
• One employee accepted the job offer, came on board, and turned in his resignation the same day.
• During an interview, a mentally disturbed applicant grabbed a pair of scissors and lunged over my desk to attack me.
• I was summoned to corporate headquarters, where the VP informed us (his staff) that he was making an offer to buy the company. He was called out of the room and never came back … he was fired by the president. Meeting over!
• I was punched while terminating someone for low productivity.
• A manager wanted to know how to fire an employee and keep him happy.

 

Tab 5: Who Was That Masked Man?

• The president of our company dressed up like Elvis and performed at a Halloween party (completely out of character!).
• The managing director of a major business unit dressed up as Batman for a major meeting. The SVP of HR came as a Cone Head. They were trying to show they were “regular guys” and to loosen up the crowd. People didn’t know how to deal with them then or afterwards.

 

Tab 6: Damn, Which One Is the Unsend Key?

• A new employee, in attempting to learn the e-mail system, accidentally forwarded a pornographic cartoon to every employee in the company.
• A new hire began sending out daily e-mails containing moralistic sermons, sometimes based on conversations he overheard between employees, to our “all staff” distribution list, signing them “Reverend.”
• An IT employee hired a hacker to give her rights to everyone’s e-mail. She then began reading HR’s and the president’s e-mail. I caught her because she failed to mark some of my messages as unread.

 

Tab 7: Scottie, Beam Me Up. Right Now!

• Someone who had been in a coma for years came in to find out where his family was.
• I telephone-screened a sales candidate named “Bob” who showed up for the interview in a dress and heels and asked to be called “Michelle.”
• I interviewed a woman while she was holding a large rabbit she brought with her.
• I had to fire an employee for retaliating against some little children (ages 4 or 5) who threw rocks at him. Our employee did the adult thing, which was to throw them back, injuring one of the kids.
• A clerical employee threw a typewriter out a window without opening it.
• I interviewed one guy whose example of dedication was urinating into a 2-liter soda bottle to avoid leaving his workstation.
• Someone sang to me during an exit interview. Everything that I told her she repeated back to me in a childlike singsong manner. I was very unnerved. She held her purse in her lap the whole time and I was sure she had a gun in it (she didn’t).
• I instituted a disciplinary action on an employee who was so angry with his boss that he frequently urinated into a copier to ruin it.

 

Tab 8: Keeping a Straight Face

• I went out to the front desk to meet a candidate to interview, and when she stood up to shake my hand, her skirt fell down around her ankles.
• In the same week I received two workers’ compensation claims, one from an employee who was sunburned at a company picnic and the other from someone who sat on a toilet that shattered under him. What are the odds?
• I interviewed an applicant dressed like “Elvira.”
• A (female) candidate ran her big toe up the inside of my shin under the interview table. I think she thought being “sexy” would get her the job.
• I interviewed a John Wayne look-alike. He looked like John. He talked like John. He wanted a job being John. We hired him to be John!

In the Day in the Life – 2000 Survey, Workforce members told us they came up with these ideas and have seen them get implemented

• “I made birthday cards for more than 400 employees. I read an article in Workforce about employee morale that talked about doing little things with the big things. Everyone loved them so much that they bought me a better color printer.”

• “Focus groups that keep upper management honest.”

• “Broke computer training into functional classes, rather than Intro, Intermediate, and Advanced.”

• “I had the idea of generating revenue for the organization (nonprofit) by marketing our training services, which normally were provided just for employees, to other organizations. We’ve since developed a full schedule of classes, and put together a marketing plan.”

• “I suggested a ‘Realistic Interview Process’ program. This program removed a second

• interview done by a plant supervisor and moved it to a two-way interview between the applicant and a current employee.”

• “Employees may bring their children to work for the day in the case of there being no school or no day care available.”

• “Use of interns for peak season help. The program started with five interns,and it grew to 25.”

• “Conversion of HR data to a Web-based HRIS that allows employee access.”

• “Started my own company.”

We’re not making this stuff up. Workforce members sent these responses in as part of the Day in the Life -2000 survey.

• “Two U.S. Marshalls arrived in the lobby to arrest an employee. It turned out that they were mistaken; the man they were looking for was not an employee but an applicant.”

 

• “Had to have an emergency staff meeting to tell our employees that we gave out the wrong raise amounts to everyone—the actual raise would be about 50 percent less than the figure that was originally given.”

 

• “No coffee … no explanation is necessary.”

 

• “Finding out that someone had come into work with their Doberman pinscher and had someone trapped in a basement office threatening to let the dog loose. There were no windows and only one way into the office. Her CD player was blaring music, and when we finally got into the office she said everything was fine. The police escorted her off the property. Oh, I forgot to tell you one minor detail—our entire Board of Directors was at our facility that day, too! I thought that day would never end.”

 

• “The Department of Labor arrived five minutes after I did for a ‘routine audit. “

 

• “One day when I walked in, the CEO and COO grabbed me in the hall to tell me that they had both just been fired.”

 

• “Blackout at the building on payroll transmittal day.”

 

• “Monday morning: An employee’s 24-year-old wife had died Friday afternoon due to complications from childbirth. I had to tell the other employees, send flowers from the company, and make arrangements to keep the office staffed while his co-workers attended the wake and funeral. [This event also included] such painful duties as removing her from the health insurance policy (while adding the baby, who thankfully lived). I never want to go through another day like that again as long as I live.”

 

• “Seven employees resigned to go to a competitor.”

 

• “Facing 2,000 applicants at 5:00 a.m. who had showed up early to apply for positions. One of our vice presidents had made a public announcement on television, which was also picked up by local radio stations, that we had 500 immediate job openings and we were paying top dollar for these positions. In fact, we did not have 500 jobs open and we certainly were not paying top dollar.”

 

• “Finding out a department had a drinking party after work on company property and one of the females did a striptease for the group.”

Answer these questions for yourself. Then, use them to motivate discussion in management meetings and employee briefings.

1. Who inventories company property? How often? What happens when items are missing? What records are kept from year to year?

2. What are your policies about employee theft and fraud? Where can these policies be located? Are they enforced? Do employees know them well? Do these policies contain clear examples of theft and fraud to prevent any misunderstanding?

3. To what degree do you consider and/or test integrity as part of hiring and promotion procedures in your company? Have you investigated integrity testing as part of your selection process?

4. What part does reinforcement of integrity policies and procedures play in your company’s training programs? Its employee publications? In presentations by management to employees?

5. How much did losses due to employee theft and fraud cost you in recent years? How much did you spend trying to investigate or prosecute? What legal expenses did you incur in your efforts to deal with employee theft and fraud?

6. What channels of communication now exist in your company through which employees or clients can anonymously or confidentially report dishonest acts by one of your workers?

7. Are you getting full-service treatment from your present security agent, including presentations on security topics to employees and periodic review of security requirements? Or have you settled simply for someone to make sure the doors are locked and the alarms are on?

8. Do your employees give high or low priority to matters of theft and fraud? Are such acts tolerated by workers who hear about them? Do workers know what to do when they find out about such acts?

9. As part of your purchasing program, do you have a reliable system for marking and keeping track of every piece of equipment, software, furniture, boxes of supplies, computer hardware, and so forth?

10. What is your own level of commitment to preventing theft and fraud in your workplace? Are you passionate about this cause or is it one more item you want to get to when you have more time?

 

Q

Dear Workforce:

My question is in regards to Occupational Health and Safety. I am always on the lookout few new ways to present ideas or tips on health and safety without them being boring or repetitive. As with most workplaces, the employees know the dos and don`ts, but we forget or take short cuts. I feel that “team” competitions could lead to non-reporting of accidents. Has Workforce any strategies in this field or could they suggest where to look?
— Mike Wilson, Byron Shire Council, Australia

 

A Dear Mike:

Here are three “multimedia”activities and workshop productions Mark Gorkin, who bills himself as the “Stress Doc,” uses in his “Practicing Safe Stress Programs: Managing Stress and Building Team Morale through Humor.”

Clearly, these presentations can be part of a workshop; but they also can be employed during brown bag lunches, at “all hands” or department meetings. And you may even create some lasting works of art but I get ahead of myself. So, on with the show:

1. Slam or Rap Session. One of the most dramatic, amusing and memorable moments in the workshop occurs after presenting some hard-hitting info on the erosive spiral (and four stages) of burnout. With a somewhat heavy tension in the room, Mark suddenly announces having a secret identity. He proceeds to don a Blues Brothers hat, black sunglasses and a tambourine with a sea of incredulous eyes upon him. And then the predictable groans when he declares that as a psychotherapist he’s pioneering the field of psychologically humorous rap music, calling it, of course a “Shrink Rap” (TM) Productions!
   
   Here is “The Stress Doc’s (TM) Stress Rap”:
   
   When it comes to feelings do you stuff them inside?
   Is tough John Wayne your emotional guide?
   And it’s not just men so proud and tight-lipped.
   For every Rambo there seems to be a Rambette.
   
   So you give up sleep, become wired and spent
   Escape lonely frustration as a mall-content.
   It’s time to look at your style of stress.
   You can’t just dress or undress for success.
   
   Are you grouchy with colleagues or quietly mean?
   Hell, you’d rather talk to your computer machine.
   When the telephone rings, you’re under the gun
   Now you could reach out and really crush someone.
   
   The boss makes demands yet gives little control
   So you prey on chocolate and wish life were dull, but
   Office desk’s a mess, often skipping meals
   Inside your car looks like a pocketbook on wheels.
   
   Those deadlines, deadlines … all that aggravation
   Whew, you only have time for procrastination.
   Now I made you feel guilty, you want to confess
   Better you should practice “The Art of Safe Stress.”
   
   By the end the participants are cheering heartily. Folks are more open to serious content when the message is gift-rapped with humor.
   
   So why not a team poetry slam or rap session, with the focus being occupational health and safety issues? Perhaps you can record (or even video) the best efforts and then strategically place the tape around the workspace. Hey, if Superbowl-bound football teams can make their own videos, why not your super employees?!


2. Discussion and Drawing Exercise. In a two-fold exercise, audience members are divided into groups of four and are asked to grapple with the following: “What are the sources of stress and conflict in your everyday work operations?”
   
   Why not ask folks to dialogue around the “barriers and bridges” to occupational health and safety. (The groups get ten minutes or so for discussion.) Then the teams are challenged to design a group picture (also in a 10-15 minute period) that pulls together their individual ideas during the collective brainstorm. The picture should be some kind of symbol or tell a story. Mark discourages team members from just doing their own thing in a corner of the paper. The goal is “a whole greater than the sum of its parts.” (Large flip chart paper and boxes of magic markers are provided each team.) Mark also lets folks know that he’s a graduate from the Institute for the Graphically-Impaired and that stick figures are fine.)
   
   Being a bit outrageous is also encouraged. Believe me, when doing these programs, for example, with US Navy personnel, Mark sees sinking ships, folks stranded on downsizing rafts, sharks circling the water, etc. As the drawings evolve, the laughter in the room builds and builds. The groups love showing and telling their creative designs. Again, why couldn’t some of the better creations be hung up in work or break areas? Your employees will respond to these homemade posters more than to the standard “rah-rah” teamwork poster pattern. (How often do your employees skull together down a river with a deep orange sun setting in the background? Let’s get real!)


3. Role Play. Finally, having groups enact skits depicting workplace safety/stress issues can generate a wonderful learning and sharing forum. (And we know, accidents increase when people are overstressed or exhausted for prolonged periods.) These role plays are especially instructive and effective when the safety concerns involve interpersonal conflict. Role plays are great mediums for acting out frustration and anger (passive or explosive) and generating group problem-solving while modeling good communication and conflict resolution skills.
   
   The role plays are most valuable when all levels of the organization — managers, supervisors, types of employees such as workfloor vs. office staff, even customers — are represented. Again, the listening and learning is only outdone by the audience laughter. This exercise also lends itself to videotaping and workplace distribution. (Though if a particular stress carrier is singled out in the skit, it probably shouldn’t leave the editing room.)
   
   Experimenting with these three media approaches will help folks be more conscious of key health and safety issues. And the group participation, design and play will both build department and company morale and insure that the men and women in your shop Practice Safe Stress!
   
   To good adventures.

SOURCE: Mark Gorkin, LICSW “The Stress Doc” (TM), stressdoc@aol.com. Shrink Rap (c) Mark Gorkin 1992 “Shrink Rap” Productions.

E-mail your Dear Workforce questions to Online Editor Todd Raphael at raphaelt@workforceonline.com, along with your name, title, organization and location. Unless you state otherwise, your identifying info may be used on Workforce.com and in Workforce magazine. We can’t guarantee we’ll be able to answer every question.

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