Tag: race

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To Assimilate, or Not to Assimilate

WF_WebSite_BlogHeaders-12I recently had lunch with a dear friend and colleague who used to be my mentee in a former role.  We celebrated his recent professional success, caught him up on mine, and explored next steps after he completes his master’s in public health. The topic of race came up a few times — he is a Canadian-born, African American of Nigerian parents — and turned to the matter of “acting white.” My friend, whom I’ll call Nick, decried the number of times he’s been told by other people of color he’s “acting white” for speaking the way he does. He expressed his offense at the bigoted notion that speaking in such an “intelligent, articulate, educated” way is viewed as exclusively white, and not a feature of black culture as well.

At the same time, Nick described his experience living in a majority Hispanic state where not only is he a part of a racial group that is 2 percent of the population but also as a dark-skinned man, he stands out even among “his people.” He’s been called the N-word more than a few times, and he often senses pressure in professional meeting — where he’s often an “only” — to act “less black.”

It’s a classic damned-if-you-do, damned-if-you-don’t scenario for up-and-coming leaders of color. If Nick “acts black,” he maintains solidarity with allies that look like him and avoids being viewed as a sell-out but is taken less seriously in his career. If he “acts white,” he advances professionally but at the cost of hurting his identity and relationships with his community. He even wonders if he’s imagining it all.

Despite the fact that no one would ever mistake me for African American, Nick asked me for advice. I’ve never had to face such a dilemma personally when it comes to race, but as a cisgender woman, I have had to face choosing when and how to “act like a man” at work, and I’ve heard the struggles of dozens of friends and colleagues of color over the years. Here’s what I told Nick:

1.     Know you’re not imagining it.  Even though it’s very subtle and usually entirely unconscious, that pressure to “act white” to get ahead in a white-dominant (either numerically or powerwise) environment is real. Don’t think you’re crazy for believing this.

2.     Know you have an advantage for being forced to be multilingual and multicultural.  White and white-looking people don’t have to develop code-and style-switching skills to succeed in life like you do. Expanding and using your already large toolbox of communication and relationship behaviors makes you a more flexible, resourceful leader, better adapted to thrive in a diverse, global work environment.

3.     Consciously choose different behaviors and ways of “acting” to meet your goals.  The problem comes when we believe we must choose one identity over the other, or we find ourselves adapting mindlessly to our environment. Try different ways of communicating and showing up in meetings and one-on-one conversations. Notice how your choices affect others and get you what you want, or not.

4.     Try pushing the envelope. If “we” just assimilate to the way “they” speak and act, then things will never change for those coming after us. Maybe it’s making a subtle wardrobe choice, deciding to laugh a little louder, or saying a certain word or phrase. Maybe it’s a bolder statement. In my most recent internal leadership role, I chose — for reasons that included my professional integrity, personal job satisfaction, and solidarity with the community — to get a small nose piercing in an organization where this was against the human resources policy but still tolerated in many areas. The response to my choice was revealing in terms of the organization’s true commitment to diversity, equity and inclusion, and my place in it.

5.     Know that your choices may change as you age and advance in your career. I find myself more willing to be bold and more comfortable taking risks now in my 40s than I did in my 20s. My life priorities and professional goals have changed, and now that I wield more power through experience and credibility, I can get away with showing more of myself and pushing the envelope harder.

6.     Maintain relationships, mentorships and open dialogue with professionals and friends who look like you. They will check you, hold you accountable, and remind you you’re not crazy for thinking that “acting _____” or “acting white” exists, with real consequences.

The answer to the “assimilate or not?” question is both-and, not either-or. Sometimes assimilate, sometimes not, but always be aware of what you’re choosing, notice the effects on your goals, and own your power to make this decision.

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Should White People Do Diversity Work?

WF_WebSite_BlogHeaders-12As a multilingual, culturally and racially ambiguous woman who’s been doing some form of diversity work for almost 25 years, I occasionally find myself having awkward conversations with potential clients about my identity. These conversations involve questions like, “Are you diverse?” or “Wait, you’re white?” or statements like “Thank you, but we’re looking for a ‘diverse’ person.” Given the growing attention that race is getting in the broader media, it’s time to frankly discuss an underlying question that often plagues the diversity and inclusion field: Should white people do diversity work?

I say yes. Here’s why:

  • When only people of color do diversity work, this gives the false impression that diversity is only about, and for, people of color.D&I is about, and for, everyone, without exception. Multiple studies have shown that diversity, plus inclusiveness, is essential to excellence, innovation and high performance — including one demonstrating that the mere presence of people of color improves group results.
  • White people are the ones that most need diversity work, and we tend to most trust and believe other white people.Whites are still the numerical majority in the U.S., and we’re the disproportionate majority holding power positions in government, business, education, health care and media. We are the ones that need to change the way we do things, and because humans evolved over millennia to function in small groups of similar people, our brains — like it or not — lend more credibility to people who look like us.

Beyond the question of whether white people should do diversity work is an even more provocative question — can we? I’ve heard about, and witnessed, situations where diversity work conducted by white people went wrong in ways that were ineffective at best, and horribly damaging at worst. To this question, I say it depends on the following:

  • What brings the white person to diversity work?For people of color, diversity work is usually intensely personal. If a white person comes to D&I with a purely intellectual mindset or a goal to change or help someone else, they might miss the mark. If they jumped on the bandwagon a couple years ago when unconscious bias training became chic, they might not have the commitment or broad knowledge necessary to be effective. Like many white allies, I come to the work from a decades-long commitment to dismantling racism because of painful childhood incidents I both experienced and witnessed. While my pain doesn’t equal that of a person of color’s daily experience, and I acknowledge I have the white privilege of walking away any time I want, I’m dedicated to doing my part to prevent more people from having their humanity denied and gifts crushed just because of the bodies they inhabit.
  • How much does the white person know, own and use their various identities?Every human being has multiple identities that situate them both inside, and outside, power structures. Straight black men face racism, but enjoy male and heteronormative privilege. I enjoy white privilege, but have faced sexism and classism. Some of my white colleagues face homophobia, transphobia, xenophobia or ableism. White people doing effective diversity work own, check and use their white privilege for positive change. They step into and out of their various identities to connect with diverse people, or to make powerful points during effective diversity training.
  • How much personal work has the white person done?The most effective D&I professionals of any race or ethnicity do ongoing personal work. They build awareness of their biases and privilege and actively mitigate their harmful effects. They strive to know their personal and cultural history, strengths and weaknesses. They constantly seek and incorporate feedback, even if they don’t like how it’s offered. They build their emotional resilience, emotional intelligence and critical thinking skills. They strive to be in integrity with the work, even when they’re not working. They are curious, good humored and nimble with people. They take care of themselves and have healthy boundaries. This is a tall order for anyone, but especially for white people because doing personal work also requires unlearning what we’ve been taught: that we know everything, that we have a right to always speak and take up space, and that others must cater to our feelings. White people doing effective D&I work aren’t perfect, but embody the changes most want to see in our workforce and leadership.
  • What will best meet the needs or goals of your organization or team? I speak Spanish better than most U.S.-born Latinos and pass for Hispanic all the time. I’ve lived, worked and traveled extensively abroad, including in developing nations. I’ve experienced many challenges because of my nondominant identities, many of which are invisible. I can present D&I concepts in an engaging way that creates lasting breakthroughs. Yet, none of that matters if what will best serve an organization is a person with a brown or black face, or the lived experience of a person of color in the U.S. Part of being a white person doing diversity work is to acknowledge that much of the time, no matter what qualifications or street cred we bring, we’re not always the right person for the job, and we’re not entitled to dominate the D&I field. If indeed we’re here to co-create a world that works for everyone, the least we can do when we hear “no” is to move on and be grateful yet another person of color is hearing “yes.”